Don't beat a horse if it's already dead!

Recent experiences make me cringe to think about how you can find some one attractive initially and then wham it hits you, "Not Attractive. what was I thinking!" On this note I have decided also to be a bit more open minded when I am not always initially attracted to some one.

My perspective comes from the fact a guy that I recently sort of had a date with, denies the fact that it was a date. When I pressed him a bit further he was even more wishy washy and so I just told him straight up that we were just friends. I guess main point is that I don't want a guy who can't stand up and make it clear even if it means that his ego is bruised a bit. Then ( oh and all of this through text even when he constantly says " I know you don't like having conversations through texting", yet still does it!) he tells me he was sorry and proceeded to act in accordance with everything of not just acting like a friend. I know now that some men are just clueless. So on this search of mine for a healthy relationship I have decided that just because I am initially attracted to some one does not mean that he will stay that way, and so why can't it be that even if you aren't initially attracted to a guy that it can't blossom in to something with so much more depth than a stalker. I mean yes I know that with out a doubt whom ever I end up with I MUST be attracted to, because other wise how could I get intimate with him on any level. But just like I don't only want a man to go after me for my looks so why do I constantly go after a guy because of his? Am I my own double standard? But to get back on the men out there who don't want to bruise their egos:
1) girls like a guy who are risk takers in love, so even if she says no take that risk, other girls notice that you weren't afraid to ask and maybe the next time it won't be a no.
2) If you want to take her out on a date then do not say " hey you want to hang out?" Ask her on a date. if you do in fact just want to hang out then say that, be clear about your intentions so that a girl won't be misled. if you want it to be a date but have previously been just friends, make sure she knows that this time it is because might be interested in more. I think there is much to muddy water around that could have been avoided if you keep dirt away from the water. yes it is okay to want to hang out just as friends, but at some point one or the other will be asking questions so clear it up.
3) Don't text a girl that you want to take out, that also shows that you are scared. Call her or ask her in person. Hmm maybe do it like the did in the "old days" you know before all this technology. Just like you wouldn't break up with some one through a text you shouldn't ask them out through a text.
4) And most importantly don't beat a horse if its dead, if you guys went out once and she isn't calling or texting you back she is not into you. So don't all of a sudden out of the blue try to clear things up. It is confusing, and usually makes what chance of friendship there was obsolete.

Hmm I do think it is good for single people to date, and not just try to wait till God brings the man or woman of their dreams to their door step. lets face it unless they are a door to door sales person ( and they are really few these days!) I don't think its gonna happen with out some work on your part. Nothing good ever comes easy. And you learn a lot about things you like and dislike through dating. Like oh, she talked about herself the whole time, or he was texting people through out the whole date and that is something that really bothers you you know, but you can't really get that out of your system and keep wondering about if she or he was the one if you say no to every guy or don't ever ask a girl out. And maybe initially you aren't that attracted to them, but maybe you have chemistry together and you wouldn't have known that if you never gave it a shot. Just maybe they are the one you have been looking for.

dating 101 (men this one is for you!)

Okay so I have to do it, just vent a little bit. I have not really turned that many guys down if they have asked me out on a date. I try to give everyone ( except some one I get creeped out by) at least a chance, but here is a clue for the guys. On a first date you should treat someone really great. Think of it like this, if its a blind date then it's your first impression. If you have been friends with this person its the first time that there might be a possibility for more, and if you just asked someone out because you thought you liked them then its the time that she can decide if she would ever go out with you again. In any way you look at it, why wouldn't you want to put your best foot forward?

I hate to break it to you but girls do test guys on the first date. Little things like if I try to pay for my portion will he actually take the money? Most ladies will offer but the key in that is that you should not accept. And don't say oh no I got the movie but you can get dinner, that just looks cheap because usually dinner is more expensive and means you failed a test on the date. Now I am not saying that we expect you to pay every single time, but for the first few dates it is nice and shows that you know how to treat a lady.

So here are some things to consider:

1. If you expect it to be a date, and she or you doesn't feel comfortable having you pick her up, offer to drive to her area of town at least, don't make her come to you.
2. If you are picking her up but for some reason aren't going to the door to pick her up, get out of the car to greet her and open the door for her. And then continue to open the doors, all the doors for her for the rest of the date.
3. if you are trying to impress her get to know her tastes in restaurants and movies and then you pick accordingly. That will show that you put some thought into it and that you care about what she likes.
4. Don't be on the phone, or texting while on the date, its rude and if its an emergency apologize and tell her that it is.
5.When she pulls out her wallet or money tell her that her money is not good here or something clever, but put effort in to NOT letting her pay and be genuine about it.
6. If you are going to have a cliche date ( you know dinner and a movie) be the man and step up to both places first like the ticket counter and the host at the restaurant. And be attentive, so if people are causing a disturbance in the movie theater and you notice that she seems annoyed by it and it is also bothering you then offer to move to a different spot or go to a different movie before she has to say something. it shows that you can take lead. Mainly through out the date be a gentleman show her that they still exist.
7. If you don't have money but want to go on a date, be creative I know most of my friends and I would enjoy that more anyway, like hiking, a picnic, a park, even something that is cheap like going to a drive in theater and bringing your own food because it would be cheaper, or a museum or gallery, they are good entertainment and less money than a movie plus you can actually talk to each other unlike at the movies.

These are good ways to help your chances on getting a yes if you wish to have a second date.

I'm gonna get serious for a minute and then we can get back to joking!

I have been transcribing for a show that deals with addicts. Today after being touched by some of the follow up stories I decided to watch a couple of full episodes, but I started to cry my eyes out. I felt of the family members and for the addicts.

But then it struck me in a different way. I related to these addicts. Although I was never a drug user, or had any disorders, I made my family suffer. Because of the way I was acting, my parents thought I was on drugs, I displayed a lot of the signs. I made my family hurt, and got hurt when they shut me out because they were trying to protect themselves from me! Wow seeing things now in a different light made me realize that in a sense I was an addict, just not to the same things. But a lot of addicts have deeper issues that just get buried. Hmmm sounds like me. And they shut them selves off from feeling, hmmm again sounds familiar. And I might not have been addicted to drugs or such, but my addictions could have killed me to, just like the ones on this show!

And I never looked at it in this light before, but I got rehab through a healthy community who also related to what I was going through, through Jesus, who carried the burden and washes me clean, and through love because they cared enough to want the old me back!

BLOG Tagged

Okay although I am really cursing the one who is making me do this ( you know who you are ahmm and your initials start with kay and end with tea!) Ok the rules. Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird/random/odd facts, habits and goals. But as a faithful blogger I will do it, but I refuse to pass the evil on so I will be breaking the chain! Sorry katie!

1) I like melted ice cream, I do I have no idea when this started because ever since I was little I actually asked people to microwave it so I could eat melted ice cream, and if you watch sometimes now I wait for it to get melty and I eat that, because then the other stuff will have time to melt and I will eat that. ( I have lots of wierd food habits, but I don't want to use all of my ten facts on the way I eat food!)

2) I have always thought it would be cool to learn how to be a pilot. I would love to try that out some day, it would just be cool.

3) I would love to travel by boat, and I don't mean a cruise ship, I mean like a yacht or something, and not just for a day. I think it would be such an adventure to travel for like a month by this means of transportation.

4) There are many places that I want to travel, but one of the lesser known ones is that I would love to go to Antartica, such an adventure.

5) Another means of transportation that I would love to experince is a hot air balloon. I have been in one once at a elementary school fair, but they only let you go up a little without actually being able to be unattatched to the rope that held us to the ground, not my idea of fun. I would like to actually go up in the sky and fly away!

6) I want to go on a safari, I mean a real one not thees little pretend ones, one that we are actually roughing it and maybe actually a couple of times fearing for my life without actually losing my life!

7) I really would love to go camping on the beach, but not have a tent, just me and ( okay forgive my romantic tendancies!) the man I love under the star lit sky and being woke up with the fresh ocean breeze! I probably should not have shared that one because I am sure it will now cause ridicule, but it is true! I also think of romantic non expensive dates, but no one ever asks for these great ideas. I am just waiting for someone else to actually come up with some on their own and take me on one of them. Oops I guess that was a side note!

8) I one day would love to be walking down the red carpet for a movie premiere that I was in. Hmmm I can't help it!

9) I want to have a book published one day, either a book of just my poetry or something that I wrote, but I do want that!

10) I think it would be really fun to take a mud bath! Crazy yes, but maybe also a very good time, on the same note, I think it would be amazing to also dive into a pool of roses ( obviously with water in it as well!) Okay that is all you get for now! I did 10 katie so you better be happy!

BEST of Both Worlds

Sometimes I think to myself that I am a city girl, and then there are other times when I think man I love the peace and quiet of the city. I want the best of both worlds. And then I was thinking man there are actually a lot of things in my life like that. Sometimes I really love rock and roll , and other times I could totally listen to country, or hip hop and I am totally at ease even when people are making fun of me. And style, sometimes I want to put on jeans and a tee, and other times I want to get all gussied up with my sex and the city heels, and feel like I am beautiful.
So this got me thinking, why do I have to choose? In a sense why can't I have my cake and eat it too? I mena I like cake, but not if I can't eat it! I just really find it funny that we are always trying so hard to please people around us. I am so guilty of it, but I actually do like country music, and I actually do like to take walks on the beach. So why am I afraid to show all of my colors to people? Hmm that is a very good question!

You take the lead

So in my social dance class (salsa, swing, waltz, cha-cha, tango) the teacher taught us how important it was for the men to lead, and the women to follow. This is done really simply and easily if both are willing. The man needs to make decisions before the moves and should be thinking, and with a little bit of force should be able to tell a woman where he wants to take her. A woman, should be able to have enough tension in her arms and body so he can lead her in which ever direction. I found it frustrating when I would come up to a guy in the class, and he would ask me what he should do next. i would simply reply, " i don't know, your the guy" I know it might sound a bit harsh, but I really can't handle any more passive guys. I think that its it, no more, take off the skirt you think you are wearing and put on the pants. I am happy to be wearing the skirt in any relationship just fine. Take me for a dance and I will be content, but don't expect me to lead.
My friend and I talk about Dance crushes, they are the guys who are so great at leading that make you look like you are a great dancer. I want that kind of man in life.

Yelling at friends

Well another day and another story. I sometimes can't believe how comedic my life can be at times. Since this dialog keeps coming up, I keep writing about it because it is at the forefront of my mind. I was on the phone last night with a really close friend of mine. We were arguing about eharmony, well actually about dating in general. I was almost to the point of yelling at her because I just want her to keep at something and not lose heart. You see she is a beautiful, talented, spiritual woman. ( Like so many of my friends) and yet can't seem to get a guy to respond to her. THIS WOMAN IS PHENOMENAL. So why aren't you men giving her the chance. But really it was funny, because she is stubborn and well I can be that way too, so I was not backing down, and I was telling her that she really need to read this book, she said she was behind already with reading so I told her to get a book on tape, well she said she would fall asleep. Sometimes I think I get so pumped up about something and I want my friends to get that way as well. But it doesn't always work that way. Oh well, it probably won't be the last time we disagree, and yet we don't let it ruin our friendship. Instead she is crafty! Oh yes, she mentions men for me! She has always been one to mention a guy to me, and before I have been against blind dates. But this year I am still single, and dateless, and well hey, you only live once, so I actually said she could set me up on as many blind dates as she wanted. I blame this crazy behavior on the fact that I hit my head really hard a couple of days ago on a the edge of a metal drawer( yes and i gashed my head, and it hurts!) So obviously this has caused some brain damage. She could not believe I said she could do it either. And I think we hung up shortly after because she didn't want me to change my mind. ( I am an INFP, I do that from time to time!) But needless to say I am determined to find my friend someone as well. After all she does for her friends, and guy would be crazy not to want her.