Changing it up

okay so I realize the last few posts have been primarily about dating, but that is not what I intended. So I am going to try and mix it up, which is what I wanted to do with the last post but it seems like because i mentioned that i thought about the last post in reguards to dating some people thought it was still about dating. it wasn't it was about my life and how maybe I just have become another adult set in her ways and afraid of taking risks.

I was asked the question like 2 weeks ago and of course am still thinking about it. But this person asked me when was the last time I took a risk. I couldn't answer him, so I managed to change the subject with out having to answer.

Maybe so much of what I have done as an adventure is not as advnturous as I think. But then I think, who would quit a job they hate with out a back up plan. Yes it was awhile ago but it was a risk right? And how many peopel go back to college being older and neve having attained a degree before? I think in my own way those are risks I take because everyday it is a choice for me not to quit when it gets hard, not to end it all when I know that times are rough and I may not be where I thought I would be at my age.

I had a heart to heart with a friend over starbucks. She told me some things that were hard to hear, but also good to hear. Maybe at times I think and care to much about what other people think. She told me that it is my life, so I need to enjoy it and that she was worried about me. it for some reason really struck me because I think some times I am good at hiding. Trying so hard to put on that smile for people, but when a friend is true they can see through it.

So behind this facade of saying, well its my personality. I have to face the fact that there is character flaw in not committing. Not even in a relationship stand point. I seem to be afraid of committing to a major in school, committing to simple plans, committing to being a friend, committing to being a family member. I want to keep everything at arms length. And I blame it on my strengths and myers briggs (ask me about it if you don't know what that is). But am I using that as an excuse to not let life in? Maybe I am afraid to live life out the older I get. i don't want that to be my fate though. i don't want to be afraid to risk, to make mistakes, of what people think.
So tomorrow I am going to go on an adventure. I don't have a plan, I just know that it is something I need to prove that I am still living my life. No one can live it for me.